‘I hope there’s a million stars above you,
And everything you need, I hope it finds you.
Every breath you breathe, hope it comes easy…
I hope it’s easy.’

– Ron Pope –

I can say the door is closed, but it won’t totally be until it is. You know? Meeting new people doesn’t close it. Neither does keeping busy. It won’t be shut until it is. There is no timeframe for it.

I finally understand what you meant when you said you needed time to wake up on the way to work and didn’t want to talk on the phone the whole way there and home. I have a 30 minute commute and sometimes still feel like I am half asleep when I get to work. I love to jam to my music in the morning and I know you did too. I didn’t understand, but now I do.

On that same note, you finally don’t rule the 7:37 AM and 5:38 PM time slot anymore. I know its weird to remember numbers, but typically that is when you called in the morning and at night on the way home. In the first few months post breakup, I would get a sick feeling in my stomach when I saw those times. If I’m being honest, I sometimes still get a tightness in my chest.

I also fought hard not to take time apart. Or any space for that matter. Within two weeks, I knew I needed it too. As far as I can tell {damn you, social media!} we are both spending more time with friends, family and relaxing. And doing the things we needed to do in order to feel balanced. We needed that.

Random things make me miss you. Do you miss me? At my party on Sunday I missed you. You were always so helpful when I had people over. You thought I was a crazy person running around like I do, but you always calmed me down and jumped in to help.

I miss your friendship. I hope we can be friends someday.

Remember that thing you used to do that I always got angry about? Its really not that bad, and actually, can be fun. You know what I’m talking about.

Why are we obsessed with the word ‘well’??? The past ten times we’ve come into contact, the awkward ‘I hope things are well with you’ always creeps in. It has become our ‘go to’ phrase.

I always had dreams about you when we were dating that you were lost and I couldn’t find you. I think it was my anxiety about us and the uncertainty of our future sneaking in. Many times it would be me trying to call you and I couldn’t get a hold of you or hear you. Last night I had one of those dreams.

Aren’t breakups ridiculous? It’s crazy that the person that once was your best friend becomes a stranger.

I’m back to my old self, anxiety free. I hope you are too.

Thanks for the memories. I hope you are well.

XO,

L